Living Abroad and the Feeling of Never Belonging .

Until my seventh birthday I lived in a big city, the largest of Latin America actually. And one of my favorites things growing up was to lay down on the floor, or in the back sit of the car where I fit so perfectly back them, and look at the sky.

Watch the clouds moving around and changing its forms has always amazed me, but when you live in such a big city, you get buildings in the way of your sight every time, and as the clouds moved I thought they were slowing falling down.

I was so tiny, and they were so huge, people were huge, the ocean was infinity….

Looking at life like that it’s what made me realized how tiny I am, and how much of the world it’s out there to be explored.

I grew up impatient, nothing seemed to be enough but to travel, so when I turned 19th I decided I was going away, it took me a year to get to that dream, but I did, I moved to New York, I met people from all over the world, I got to visit four other countries, some American states and many many cities around the Globe.

I laughed, I loved, I hated, I experienced so much more than I could ever imagine, I missed home a lot too, and then went away, and I took some classes, did some more road trips, move to another city, lived by the ocean, and lived by the mountains. I was as much fulfill as I was empty, I was missing something, I was missing the heat, and the smell of my moms clothes, college, old friends and new friends, I missed the food and the freedom, missed speaking my own language…

After almost two years my time was over, and everything was packed, flight tickets were in hands, a was full of anxiety, happiness, doubt, fear all at once, but when I had to say goodbye it was when life got me back, as if I was getting breath after a long time, couldn’t handle the look in the eyes of my host family, almost died to hear my host kid crying because of me. I knew it was time to put all behind, but at the moment I wasn’t sure I couldn’t.

Almost a year after and I miss my host family as much as I missed my family back then, call them as often too. Half of me seems to be back there still, and my other half doesn’t seem open to let it go, almost like if wanted me to go find it.

When I first moved I was afraid of not being able to fit in my new life, little did I know how easy was that compared trying to fit in my old life. Cause the thing is: back then I had a white board to pain my story in it, back here I already have a painted of myself in everybody’s mind, including mine. All this time away, life shaped me in a different form, that is farm from fitting the old one, and life continues to shape me as I grow, so that means I no longer fit my version from a year ago, and with that thought I get the exhausted feelings of never belonging, at the same pace as the I am made of the moments I lived and the places I’ve been.

It’s a constant desire of being at both places, of having everything at once, or to keep switching both lives. But deep down I know that what calms my heart it’s the adventure, the butterflies in the stomach, the inconsistency, the new. My belonging is to not belong to a specific places, but to the memories to hold on to my had, to the scars and the sound of my laugh and the knowing that I always have somewhere new to find myself

The bigger I get, the bigger the world seems to be. And I pray God to able to get to know as much as I can of the earth He created.

Hair Acessories Are Back! And I’m Gonna Show You the Pretty Ones

Oieeeee! Hello every, how is your Monday going so far? Mine is being pretty awesome. And during some researching at work today, I got myself staring at some amazing hair acessories and tought it would be great to share them with you.

I am gonna start with basic, whch is: bobby pins are back! In so many gorgeous ways… Take a look:

Second….

I was on instagram the other day, if you don’t know me yet: instagram is my little terrible obssession, and I saw this amazing account from a store in Australia with the most amazing marble looking acessories: like purses, and clutches and hair clips. And they come in so many beautiful colors, patterns and shapes: like this seashell one, how freaking cute is that?

Third: head bands!

I love heabands since Blair waldorf became our queen. You can imagine how sad I was when it stopped being a thin. But Thank God they are back and prettier than ever…

I loooved all of them, but I’ve been obssessed with the thick velvet ones that are all over my instagram.

And last but not least:

When I thought scarfs and bandanas couldn’t get any preetier, life comes to show me I am wrong again. Very recently I start seeing those a lot around internet, and honestly can’t wait to get one.

Even knowing I am pretty lazy when it comes to do my hair, I loove hair acessories, I think they make even the most simple hairstyle, a lot prettier.

What do you think? which one is your favorite?

OOTD: A Look for Everything!

Oieeee! Hey guys, I literally just woke up, drank a big cup of water and started wondering what was I going to do next, and first thing that comes to my mind it~s to share a outfit with you.

I mean, I think is a good post for a Sunday, don’t you think?

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First of all, is summer now, so I wore this look months ago, but I decided to post now because I know in the other half of the world is currently winter with a smell of spring, so I thought It would be great for those readers. Plus last week was very chilly around here and I was kind of running out of options of what to wear in a summer day, that is not hot, and this look would be great for that too.

So let’s talk about individual pieces here:

  • shirt is from ZARA, I honest love their clothes but don’t usually feel comfortable enough on then, but the day I bought this I was looking for a more mature look, and tough that was perfect, but the ruffles on it are so wide I always have the feeling I look like a pregnant woman in it. But besides all, it is a very pretty shirt, with a nice neckline and a pattern that I am obsessive with it: white and baby blue stripes.
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  • Pants: just regular jeans, my mom got for herself once and did’t fit her anymore after the meeting with the wash machine, so she decided I HAD TO HAVE IT! Wore it for a while, like at this day, and then gave it away, for one reason only: I have way too many jeans!
  • Leather Jacket: bought at Tjmaxx for sixteen bucks, and I am pretty sure is a kids jacket because is size xl and doesn’t fit anybody but me (I am very petite). But you can see more about this at the video I shared in the last post, click over here to watch.
  • Bag: is my dream bag from KATE SPADE, I bought it at an outlet for about 20% of the price, and it’s pink on the inside: it’s my baby!

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This look is great for Spring, it can be great for summer depending on the weather, it was a look I wore for afternoon church, but could be for a work day, a meeting, a walk in the mall, almost everything. Is a lot less colorful than most of my looks, but it’s great. don’t you think?

Hope you guys enjoyed this post,  see you soon ❤

Closet Confidential TAG

Oieee! Hello everyone, first of all I wanted to say how much I’am enjoying writing again, cause around the past six months I was feeling like all the things I used to love to do, became obligations, But since I turn this blog in English it has been nothing but excitement. So I want to thank you all who’s reading and connecting with me in some way ❤

Now we can move forward to  the post haha. If there’s something I’m proud of in my life, is about my style, which during my Au Pair days resumed to pajamas and Uggs only. Lately, because of my new eating habits, I haven’t been fitting most of my clothes anymore, so I’m working around whats been fitting me and waiting for everything else settle  so I can wwear all of them again.

And I’m only saying that because I have clothes with so much history, clothes that I hold on for years because I love it, and clothes that are just so different that nobody else has.

I shared all about it in this video, and I hope you guys enjoy it. Whatever you think about this video pleas leave a comment or your like, so I know how to improve or what not to change in the next videos.

Hope to see you soon, bye bye ❤

How I Manage To Have a Very Good Day (First in a Long Time)?!

A few posts ago, I spoke to you guys, in a very open heart writing, about how does it feel to live with anxiety and how to handle a few things, and I came here with a similar purpose to write about the best day I had in probably a year and a half.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t have good days in the past, and also doesn’t mean my day amazing day yesterday didn’t have problems or imperfections. But it means that I head a day when I felt confident the entire time, that I handle problems with grace, that I took so much care of my thoughts that I didn’t have a breakdown any moment.

First, if you don’t remember, at the very end of my last post, I said something about the fact the having a routine brings balance and calm to confusing feelings., because it’s almost like a stable ground in a shaking world. Well, today was the first day I had a routine, focus on my needs, because I used to have routine while being an Au Pair, but the routine was meant to help me accomplish goals for other people, and when I was working I didn’t have one for myself .

Instead today I got to go to my first day back to college from summer vacations, and I had such an amazing class because I came with my mind wide open to new opportunities, after that I went to my internship, which is gonna be a regular Monday to Friday job, and it’s great not only for this matter but also because I have some goals to reach over there, and it’s four to six hours of my day that gets me out of social medias.

After that I went straight to gym, which is something that totally makes my day worthy, but it was being very hard, time scheduling speaking.  And that was the perfect end for a routine day.

A few more things were crucial to make this “Amazing day” happen (remembering it was a not planned day). I woke up at seven, that means I slept just enough, about 7,5 hours, and woke with enough time to get myself ready, get to school in time, get my lunch ready and also have some breakfast. Which was something I never had the time for cause used to go to bed so late and woke up in such a hurry, that didn’t have the time for anything and ended it up messing up the entire day.

Speaking of having breakfast, not only I had time for a meal, but a had great meals for the whole day: papaya with oats, detox juice (made out of kale, apple, and coconut water) and a toast for breakfast at 7:00 am; cabbage and avocado salad with grapes around 11:00 am; because I didn’t have a lot of time to eat, at 13:00 I had a tuna sandwich and some lime crackers and for dinner, around 7:30 pm I had rice, beans and okra with farofa.

Also I had the time for my morning devotional and for some yoga right after gym. Got the chance to cook some food for tomorrow and get a night time routine plus not one but two posts done for the blog 🙂

The last thing I wanted to talk about my day that I know is a game changer for me, was that I got the chance to be by myself for a while. I currently share my apartment and my life with a very good friend of my, and that means we do everything together, and I really love that, but for the last entire year I lived far away from everybody so I used to have a lot of “me” time that almost never happens anymore, and this is so important for mental health. It’s when I can take some time to think, when I have lots and lots of ideas, when I have (not get) I have to do stuff cause there-s no one else to do it for me, even if it’s just to get things from the top shelf.

I know it’s a lot, and you probably don’t have to do all of this, maybe any of this, but getting a routine, and including things you love to do in it is very important I putted that by accident in the corner and  it almost killed me from the inside, and it’s so amazing to see how I missed the simple things in life.

A few days ago I saw this picture that said: ” do a list of the things you do during the day,  do a list of the things you love to do, compare the two lists”. I started to think about that, and it makes so much sense, it’s a great key for a, not better, but maybe a less heavy life.

Hope to see you soon, bye bye!

OOTD: FANCY OUTFIT WITH SNEAKERS

Hello everyone! Life just got crazy again, because summer vacay are over now, I’m back to College and, also, got an internship in a shoe brand. I’m very excited about all of it, but I am gonna leave my life updates for another post ’cause today I wanna share with you a very nice outfit I wore last December.

So think with me, It was December, very close to Christmas Day, like a week before, and this time of the year is extremely hot over here (I live in Brazil if you’re wondering). Me and my friend went for a little Tour around São Paulo, to take some new photos and I you can imagine that I was literately melting! It was so not appropriated for the weather,  I would definitely recommend this look for a  Spring weather or a night outfit when is not so hot, but not cold as well.

I also think this look is specially great for a date night, or a fancy, but not formal, dinner,  maybe a birthday party, or perhaps a night out with friends! Cause it’s so comfortable, and presentable and, I risk to say, glam. The best part of it? It fits perfectly with sneakers…

I wore white Adidas with it, just cause I think it`s very ‘clean’  and not so basic at the same time:

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But don`t worry because it looks perfect with high heels also, keep the reading to check it out!

So, about the look: I got this top from Forever 21 in January last year, for my trip to Florida. And when I got there, in one of my thrift store hunts I found this very nice pair of pants screaming for me, for ten bucks in a store called Avalon Exchange, in Winter park,FL.

      Honestly when I try it on, I knew it had to be mine. I wore this outfit that same night ❤

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But let’s go back to the day I took the other photos, just because they ended it up sooo good, you guys have to see it! In Paulista Av, and all over Brazil, we get this store called Marise, but at this specific location they set up this amazing window. So people could use as a scenarium probably to call everybody’s attention, in the streets and Instagram.

I was a little bit embarrassing that day, but very happy to see the photo shoot results. It made me like the look even more. What do you think?

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For today that was all, I hope you guys had enjoy it.

Hope to see you soon ❤

How Is It To Live With Anxiety?!

I’ve been wanting to do this for soo long, I always feel like I need to get this out into the world, but it’s not that easy, also, it’s not drama and is much harder to live with this than you probably can think of.

But before I started: 1. I want to make sure that with you need help look right away for someone, and with you don’t need but think or sees that someone needs help, be the help. 2. All of what I am gonna say is how everything looks on the inside, because the outside usually has a mask. 3. I’m not gonna say any of this so you feel bad for me, it’s much more than that. All the words that are gonna be in this post is for you, that might seem lost and confused now, or for that friend, that suddenly changed and became someone else. I’m also not gonna tell the reasons that brought me to this. Because, honestly, I don’t know them. But I’m gonna share my feelings with you and I am gonna tell you the differences between who I was and who I am now. And – I hope – in the end of this reading your gonna be able to understand more, and help you or whoever is near you (that doesn’t seem so near anymore) to become less of what their feeling and more of who they are.

I always had a bad understanding of people who chose to live with their stress and hectic lives. In the innocent eyes of a child or a teenager, we are able to choose our path, and to choose where do we wanna go or what do we wanna do. I guess we grew up at the point our desires meet our reality, but is much more different to live with anxiety .because not only our decision our control by external forces, but our feelings and thoughts seems to lost control of everything, of who we are, of where we are.

Besides of what I used to thing about this specific topic, it doesn’t come in 24 hours, it’s not sudden. It comes slowly, almost like is building a new relationship, it gets mixed up with our normal feelings, “is just a bad, not a bad life” kind of thing, or, in my case, is just pos, or is just my new pill thats is creating this. But looking back, most of the times an episode happens I didn’t even realized, because it went out the next day, and it didn’t seem important to talk about.

Talking about, I was always good with that, normally I didn’t see the need to talk about my feelings because it was so natural to talk about them. My friends would listen to me, and I would listen to them as well… It’s so not like that anymore, not the talking part, not the listing part also. Relationships got exhausting, confusing, toxic. Suddenly I didn’t have the patience to deal with the normal habits that my friends had and the old me was able to let it go, I was able to spend much time with them anymore, cause it was so loud when did it become loud? Also, when did it become stressful to be around them?

I don’t know, I don’t know any of this answers, but I lost 60% of them, the other 40% are dived between the ones the stand out for me and noticed something was wrong and decided to be by my side and the ones that I was smart enough to slowly take my distance and only talk about nonsense subjects.

The hardest part about letting so many different relationships go, is to try to understand with that was the right choice, or even better, if I would have been able to avoid this.

That might be alright, it’s indeed proven that when we hit a certain age our cycle of friends tend to get smaller. Life matters, priorities, marriage…

Also, people come and go, and I strongly believe that who is meant to be  is gonna stick to us no matter how hard we try to push them away, although with you do have a friend that seems to be so different, try to be patient, I know you probably wanna know what’s going on, otherwise how you are going to be able to help right? Although he might not be able to talk about it just yet, and most of the times, he/she doesn’t know whats going on, and why all feels so different, so be there with you can, do offer a hug without asking, or to just sit by them and be the company the this person doesn’t know he/she needs.

Looking back to all that has happened in the past year and a half, the most I can think of is how confusing everything seems to be. I was certain to know who I was and who I wanted to be, I knew who my favorite hobbies was, I need exactly who to calm my self down on my own. I don’t seem to remember any of this; for a though girl that never cry in front of anybody and don’t seem to know how to hold my tears; for someone who used to louve spending time alone, I feel like I always need to be with someone.

And, unfortunately it doesn’t get better than this, doing what I enjoyed the most, like drawing and writing, and vlogging seems to be such an hateful obligation nowadays. I lost who I was completely and I have not even a small clue of where that girl went, or how to train myself to be me again, because the most horrible thing about all of this, it’s bot being able to control myself, my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts and my reactions to any external event.

Most people tell me to do yoga, to meditate, to do something that I love the most to calm me down, and I can’t because its frustrating to not being able to concentrate, but I don’t get mad at them, because this used to be my most useful advice to everybody else. I was always so emotionally strong that everybody used to come to me for help. Confusing right?!

But the most confusing part is that I have a wonderful life, that I always appreciated, and I still do, in relapses. But most of the time I focused so much on everything that is screaming inside my mouth, because I just wanted it all to just stop, that I forget about all the amazing things I’m fortunate to have and to be.

Again, it’s not on proposed, it’s not controlled, and it’s not something that I can train myself because when those moments comes, the adrenalina inside me is so much more than what I can control that is better to just cry it all out.

I might not be the best adviser for you, because if you got to this point of the reading you know I’m trying to get the wheels of my life back in track. But from a person that has been struggling with this for some time, and it’s so no able to give up, I have a few things to say to you:

  1. Don’t ever give up on yourself,
  2. Let others help you,
  3. Be patient (I know how harsh this sounds, believe me) be patient with yourself
  4. Every single thing has a reason in life
  5. Cry, scream, write a letter to yourself. Let all the feelings inside you get out of your heart and you’ll feel your shoulders much lighter.
  6. try to create a routine, anxious people have everything inside so out of place, having the outside organized might help create a balance to your life
  7. when the time comes, talk to someone, that person that you trust the most might not understand you well the way you wanted to, but don’t give up, theres another 7 billion people out there.
  8. Try to find something, a place, a faith, a group, that would bring you peace. For me this place is church, and honestly with you try you might discover how many people are able to be welcoming and caring and loving without knowing you.
  9. And above everything I wrote in here, there’s God, who always listen and we call, but we do have to look for Him. He is my only hope, and He is the One who brings me peace when no one else is there.

 

I hope this was somehow useful for you guys, for most part of my past years I had no clue what was going one, and what was so wrong that I couldn’t’t live with myself. I have, and still have to be patient and work my mind constantly, and still keep all my tasks and duties. We are stronger than we think we are, we just need to be patient with ourselves and other.

For now thats all, se you soon ❤

 

GET TO KNOW ME – AGAIN

Hello Everyone My Name is Deborah and I’m the oficially writer of this Blog.

The “MissMingrone” happend four years ago, right after I graduated from high school and was as lost as everybody else. And the way I felt back then is exactly how I feel now, like I’m  in need of something new, a space for me to be myself again, where I can feel excited again.

This is the reason why I turning this blog upside down, starting again, this time in English.

And just so you guys can connect better with me, this is going to be a “Get to know me (again)” post. Let’s go?

I’m a twenty years old woman (girl) currently living and studying in the biggest City of Latin America, São Paulo – Brasil. I do Fashion Design as a major in college. I decided I wanted to study Fashion a little bit before I create this blog (that was kind of the reason I started in the first place), but Fashion has been my passion for so long that I can even remember anymore.

In 2016 I started College, did it a whole semester and went on a adventure. I wanted to take a year abroad and the easiest option was to be an Au Pair, and like it was the easiest decision of my life I went, and with some problems and no regret I spent two years in New York: six months in Long Island and a year and three months in Rockland County, to be more Specific.

There I fell in love, I found myself like never before, I worked harder than ever in my life, I got the chance to travel to many more countries, like Mexico, Holland, France… I made lifetime friends, I experienced so much that sometimes I just wish I could live all again.

Time flew, most friends were gone, I missed my family so much, my time there was over, not forever, but for that time, so in May 2018 I got in a plane back home.

And since then everything is been beyond confusing, a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, a lot of crying, but also a lot of time to get to find myself again, a lot of warm days, a new job, and some new friends. Changes are so not what we expected, they are more, sometimes in a good an easy way, and sometimes in a way that will makes us grown.

I’m finding myself again, I believe God will Help me, and I hope you guys enjoy this new ride with me.

Se you soon, bye bye!

 

 

TOUR + DECORANDO O MEU QUARTO

Oieeee!

O quanto a gente ama vídeo de tour? E de decoração então? Confesso ser viciada nos dois, eu amo decorar e redecorar ambientes. Desde que me mudei pra São Paulo eu já decorei a casa pra primavera, pro Halloween, para o Natal e agora pro verão. E honestamente? De todas essa foi de longe a melhor decoração do meu quarto até agora, talvez porque eu adore o verão, ou talvez porque consegui utilizar várias cores e algumas das decorações que mais amo, como roupa de cama branca, parede de posters e por aí vai…

Espero que gostem, não deixem de me contar o que acharam e seguir o canal clicando aqui.

Bom vídeo e até a próxima!

WHAT I EAT IN A DAY – SUMMER IN BRAZIL

Heloo Everyone, my name is Deborah Mingrone and weclome to my very first post in English! I usually do some vlogs or videos in English for my YouTube Channel, this year they gonna be released on Tuesday’s, but I also wanted to share with you guys here in my blog. So if you like please make sure to leave your comment down below so I know I have to do more posts like this.

First of all is summer in Brasil, which is a very tropical country and because of that we have a huge number of different fruits and vegetables. Also, we have a very different way of eating, speacially for lunch, and some traditional dishes that can be find all over our country.

I hope you guys enjoy this video, because I can’t wait to do more of those 🙂

 

Click here and subscribe.

bye bye ❤